Despite my promises to "try and lead a more interesting life" (well, SLUMBERMETSFEST should prove to be exciting at least!) and my hopes that Jon-Paul would be weighing in with some posts, the responsibility for blog info and upkeep appears to have fallen into my lap. At least, for now.
So, my world these past few weeks has been revolving around the kids. What elementary school are we going to send them to? Can we afford to send them to summer camp? Which summer camp? And of course, the always popular discipline debate between Jon-Paul and myself.
Jon-Paul is a great believer in the "because I said so, THAT's why" method of discipline. He says jump, the kids should ask how high, etc. etc. etc. Not to say that he never cuts them any slack because he does. However, I feel that a 5yr old child cannot and should not be expected to snap immediately to attention every time his/her parent doles out an order.
Nor am I a big believer in yelling at the kids. JP will say that is an outright lie, that I yell at them "just as much as he does" (does that make it right???) but overall I think that I am the parent more likely to try another tactic before resorting to yelling. My reasoning for this, is simple: our children learn much more from our actions, then they do from our words. If they see us resort to yelling when we are frustrated or angry, they will then perceive this as the "correct" method to deal with those emotions. Same principle behind why we rarely (and by rarely I mean I can count on one hand the number of times it has happened) spank the girls. I for one, NEVER thought that I would be against a good spanking. Before I had children, I would see other mothers with their tantruming brood in tow and think, "now there're some kids who deserve a good smack on the butt!" But a funny thing happened on the way to the Forum...I remember an incident when the girls were probably around age 2, and one of them was angry at the other and smacked her on the hand. Because up till that very point I had not been above doling out a little hand smack when I deemed it necessary. And it was like a lightbulb went on over my head, literally: of course they are going to react that way when they are angry, because that is the way they see ME react. And if I yell at THEM when I am frustrated, they are going to yell at ME and at OTHERS. And so on, and so on, and so on.....
So therein lies the heart of The Great Debate. To yell, or not to yell? Also, to "discuss loudly" (read: argue) about such things in front of the children? (Note, my vote on that is a resounding NO). It came to (another) head yesterday when Nat was supposed to be brushing her teeth. JP turned the water on, she turned it off. A few times, apparently, I cannot say for sure as I was in my bedroom with Cee at the time so I did not witness the series of events that led up to JP blowing his top and Natalie ending up in tears. Well, almost in tears, she was doing her best to hold them in for fear of further reprisals. However, when she came back into the bedroom and saw me she climbed up in my lap and the dam burst. I will not go into all of the details except to say JP "discussed" our ongoing differences of opinion all the way thru breakfast despite my preference not to do that.
Is there really a right or wrong in this issue? Other than the "dicussing" in front of the kids part, which in calmer times JP will agree with me is not a good idea for anyone involved... Who is to say, that my way is better than his way? Who is to say, that yelling at them will not end up in them learning to listen? The best I can do is try to set a good example, for my husband as well as my children, and hope that I am doing the right thing.
That's it for now. Am SO looking forward to a weekend of shenanigans over at AMA's!!!! SLUMBERMETSFEST HERE WE COME!!
Jill